Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My feet surprised me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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