he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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