When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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