i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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