Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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