I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
