I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
