I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
