Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
