im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
PANTIES FOUND
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