hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
