Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
