Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
