So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
