like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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