I wish I could punch you in the face.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
