A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
