I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
