Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
