just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
