Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
