Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
