She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
