True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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