tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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