i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
