I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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