Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
