there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
