i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
