Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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