i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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