so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
