remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
