im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
