We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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