Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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