We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
