its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize