Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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