There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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