we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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