Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
