You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
