Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
