i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I could make wine with my vomit
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
