You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
