It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I want to be your penis for a week.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
