We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
