If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
