How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
